I could hardly see, and music flooded my ears, bodies, heat, lights, the smell of sweat and dirt in the stuffy air. It was my 4th week in a row that I’d been here, and I was hooked, and best of all I was free. I was 18 and back living in my home town, we had lost the flat you see, and both had to move back home. The day I got picked up was the worst, I remember looking him dead in the eyes, my eyes failing to hold back tears, his mouth forcing out the words,
“just go, get in the car, it’ll be ok I promise”
My dad was growing impatient and the car was packed with my things ready to leave the city, I kissed him with my tear drenched lips and left him there. I didn’t dare look back as we drove away, I wanted to be strong on the ride home.
We didn’t know just how long it would be until we were back living together so we just vowed to do the best we could until then. I remember I didn’t unpack anything for weeks in hopes that something would change overnight, and I’d be soon heading back to the city, I would call him at night and keep the phone on the pillow next to me, close my eyes and pretend he was there with me.
At first, I hated being home, I was embarrassed really, I had escaped only to crawl home with my tail between my legs. I had to start getting busses again to get, well anywhere! And deal with sleeping alone, finding a new job and trying to make my room my own. One thing I didn’t mind however was catching up with friends I hadn’t seen in what felt like a million years and getting to experience going out around town drinking. Being around alcohol is where I seamed to find my escape from it all, he would drive down at weekends and we would always argue, being apart after everything that had happened between us was in some way forcing more doubts into both our minds, was fighting for this really the best idea? Were we better off calling it quits since we were already apart? I hated these thoughts and all the doubts so much that I’d then go out in the week after his visits and drown my thoughts in cheap vodka mixed with energy drinks at the club. I was in love with it, I’d look for a new outfit to wear each week, get ready with my friends and not leave until I was crawling out of the place at 4am. It became my happy place and our little group got bigger and bigger each week, meeting different people and making friends, living life like I just hadn’t been able to do before. It was at this (all you could drink for £7) place that I met a guy who I am still in contact with 9 years later. Mr Tease was exactly that, a tease. I would look for him across the crowded, underground rock bar’s dance floor and his eyes would always find mine, If I were wearing a hat he would come up and steal it, wearing braces he would come up behind me and undo them, cheeky grin across his drunken face, week after week. We had been pretty good at avoiding each other but I knew it wouldn’t be long till one of us decided to break the ice for real, one way or another.
I found myself infront of him, the lights were low, music loud, not that it mattered as we both said nothing, his eyes refused to leave mine, same cheeky grin on his face and his red hair, cray and wild. my heart was beating so hard i swear if i had looked down i’d have been able to see it, before i could mouth the words ‘i have a boyf…’ it was already too late, he kissed me.