The Story – stale chips

stale chips black

I was asked yesterday if there was one ex in particular that I regret things not working out with? I’ll admit, when the question first hit my ears I thought that I’d struggle to answer but as soon as my brain caught up I instantly blurted out his name, it shocked me at first because it was like I had no control, somewhere in the back of my mind I had already stored away this answer for safe keeping, or so it would seem, for this very question. The conversation moved on, but my mind didn’t, I couldn’t help but wonder why, I spent the rest of the day looking back at photos of me and him together that I’d stored away on my laptop, image after image of memories and stories, I could feel the pain, I could hear the laughter, remember what it was like laying in his arms and staring into his blue, stormy sea eyes and I suddenly got it, I understood. I had loved him, really loved him. I was truly open and honest in a relationship for the first time with him, he was the guy I truly let in and in all honesty the only one I could be truly naked around, naked in every sense of the word. Did he truly understand me? I guess not, had he been too stubborn to change? Maybe we both where? We didn’t compromise, we couldn’t, constantly head to head like a ram and a bull and in the end we both lost.
We met on the corner of his street, I wanted to go get some chips from the takeaway down the road, he said he would tag along for the walk and I agreed, I was excited and he looked petrified, it was cold and dark, it had been raining that night but I didn’t care, he didn’t say much on the walk, kept his gaze forward besides a few cheeky side glances when he thought I wasn’t looking, I didn’t mind, It made me smile and I always talk too much anyway, we laughed over stupid crap as we waited for my chips to be made and as we approached his street I didn’t really want him to leave, so he didn’t. We talked for what felt like hours, the thin mist of rain falling over us only just visible in the street lights and completely unnoticed by us, a pause in the conversation, my eyes met his and I wanted him, I knew it instantly in that moment. we were like children, smirking and fidgeting around each other on the street side, my chips slowly growing cold and stale, untouched.
We finally said goodnight, my fingers frozen cold under my coat sleeves and we may or may not have kissed, I can’t remember now, maybe it was just a hug but I know I felt happy, so happy that I ran all the way back to my house round the corner, Cheshire Cat grin plastered across my 22-year-old face. I weren’t to know that years later we would grow to become just like my chips on that first night, cold and very, very stale…

looking back though, bad shit aside, I miss it. Him.

So yes, if things in life had worked out different and there was one relationship I wish could have worked out, its this one. what about you? do you have an ex lover that you wish it could have worked out with? Even years later you have met someone else that makes you happy? have a think…

One thought on “The Story – stale chips

  1. Time and distance lends perspective, but, when I’m in a ‘mood,’ I can romanticize or demonize a past lover like no one’s business! LOL! There was one guy, who was a Republican and a Political Science major, when I dated him in college. I looked him up a few years ago, and he had moved to Seattle, grew a hipster beard, and joined a drum circle. I mean, good for him, but I realized, I don’t even really know that guy.

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