I’ve been absent for a little bit of time now and a few days ago someone asked where I had been…the answer?
Defrosting! that’s where I’ve been.
Freaking out, over thinking and the best thing of all..DATING!
I had written dating off after multiple failed attempts and various steps backwards over the last two years and if I’m honest with myself I had given up and frozen over! I couldn’t figure it out, I couldn’t connect with anyone, conversations weren’t going anywhere and I’d stopped feeling anything for anyone or anything. I blamed it on the assault I went through last year, I blamed it on losing my dad, on my past lovers, on my childhood and my own mind, maybe it was all of those things, maybe I just needed time. They say when you stop looking that someone will come along and surprise you though I can’t say that I stopped looking, Tinder was definitely still very much a used app on my phone but I wasnt really invested, like I said, conversation just wasnt going anywhere and I didn’t really want them to.
That was until he said hello, he wanted to know me, he moved things forward and that excited me!
Meeting him felt super comfortable, there were no awkward silences, we had healthy debates and when he kissed me for the first time my smile was the biggest it had been all year. Drinks flowed, his eyes sparkled and fireworks littered the skies as we talked and laughed till the early hours or at least I think it was the early hours, neither of us knew for sure what time we had gotten back to his apartment but I didn’t care, that morning felt like I had woken up in his bed 1000 times before and that feeling hasn’t changed…
I guess I can finally say that for the first time in a long time, I am happy!
Early days? yes! Taking it slowly? definitely! But I’m glad about that and I have realised that the best things in life shouldn’t be rushed they should be savoured and enjoyed and I’m going to soak up as much of this feeling as I can.
…while I can!
(writers update, me and him parted ways a few days after this post went up, I guess some things just aren’t meant to work out. He is a great man and will make a guy very happy, i am just not that guy )