I could smell it, I could smell it in the air all week. This was gonna be the end.
You see, I’ve played this game far too long to not recognise the changes, the distant eyes, the hold that ends sooner and sooner and even the kiss on the back of my neck that morning felt like the last one and that’s the reason that I couldn’t stay another day, I needed to leave and just wait for the end to find me, and it did.
People have asked me if I am sad that its over and I honestly cant say that I am. Am I broken? Absolutely. Am I hurting more than I probably know? Yes. I think I knew from the moment I was left crying on his doorstep without him even looking at me that he wasn’t going to be the one for me. Of course we dont venture into any relationship hoping it will end and I truly wanted and saw the best in him, I wanted him to feel loved and appreciated, special and beautiful and I hope that I did that. I loved him, I wanted him to be the one but I just wasn’t that guy to him. When I opened the text that explained why he was walking away I actually smiled because he just validated everything I’d been feeling, that he wasn’t man enough to call and tell me, that he just threw away everything he’d made me believe and that everything he had ever told me about being ‘the one’ was just bull shit. I calmly finished my walk home in the sun and sighed. When I got to my room I just sat there for a while in silence, was it really over? The end just like that? One text and I’m out of his life forever? I had gone from feeling so myself, so sure of who I was and so safe in his arms to a shadow in the blink of an eye. I removed the daisies we had saved from our walk together from their frame and detached the key ring he had bought me that read ‘ if you were a flower I’d pick you’
Because in the end, sometimes a daisy really is just another daisy and at least now he is free to go pick a flower that he actually wants to keep.
As for me who knows? Though I’m not going to be dating anyone anytime soon I know that, no I’m done for a while. Let me get my head right and hopefully, eventually, I’ll get it right.